Daddy, What’s A Rapist?: Conversations Between A Father and Daughter


Scene: A Father and his daughter are watching the news and the Cosby guilty verdict scrolls across the screen. “This is bull!” the father exclaims. “Cosby didn’t rape those women!” Startled, the little girl looks at her father and the following ensues… Maybe…

Baby girl: Daddy, what’s a rapist?

Daddy: a rapist is someone who forces you to have sex with them and is only considered a rapist if you tell the world your horrific, degrading, humiliating experience immediately. If you wait, any amount of time, you’re a liar. No one will believe you. Not even me, baby girl.

Baby girl: Daddy, what’s a rapist?

Daddy: a rapist is someone who forces you to have sex with them. If you take drugs and you’re incoherent and can’t consent, you deserve to be raped and you’re the one at fault, baby girl.

Baby girl: Daddy, what’s a rapist?

Daddy: a rapist is someone who forces you to have sex with them. But as long as white men are getting away with rape, Black men should get away with it too. I can’t support their punishment, baby girl.

Baby girl: Daddy, what’s a rapist?

Daddy: a rapist is someone who forces you to have sex with them because of what you wear and how you behave. If you dress decently and act respectably, no man will ever rape you. If you’re raped, it’s your fault, baby girl.

Our girls need their fathers and their support. They don’t need to hear you excusing these rapes or sexual assaults. They need to feel safe to confide in you.

And yes, I’m aware that women say these things. But most likely a woman’s attacker will look more like her father than her mother. Make her feel safe.

The aftermath of the Cosby guilty verdict has made this conversation necessary. It’s hurtful to see responses that invalidate survivors who don’t immediately come forward, who accept drugs from, unbeknownst to them, their future predator and those who trust and respect a figurehead so much that they feel safe. These survivors exist outside of the Cosby case and you should all be mindful of your public reactions. People can see them. Leave your opinions about his guilt or innocence in the kitchen. It’s kitchen talk that’s not meant for public consumption. It’s hurtful.

Problematic Views: Should We Be Outspoken and Patient Or Should We Write Off People Who Don’t Think Like Us

There’s been a lot of writing lately about “call out culture.” To me, anyone against being called out, thinks they know everything. Anyone who is afraid to speak because they far behind called out is concerned with how people view then instead of being concerned with their trash views and why they have them.

With young people, I like to guide them. With older people, I’m more hesitant. I really feel like they should know better. But a year or so ago, I decide I would be more gentle to anyone who wasn’t an overt bigot. And I’m proud. I initially focused on being kinder to Black women and I branched out from there.

Sometimes we can’t be gentle. Some people need to be stopped in their tracks. But sometimes, sometimes there’s room for kindness and guidance. It’s no one’s job to teach anyone about anything. But if you want to see the world change, you have to speak to someone…at least one person who doesn’t think like you.

It’s 2018 But We’re Not Living in the Modern World

Rap sensation Cardi B is pregnant and Americans, in 2018, are asking why she would throw away her career by getting pregnant/having a baby… Check Twitter… Check Google… Check yourselves.

What is going on people? What’s really sad is that we, as a society at large, still view this as the norm. Women should choose career or family. Not both. No one is asking Offset, rapper and father of Cardi B’s soon to be born child, how his career is going to be derailed by this baby. Nor did they ask this with his existing three children.

We live in a country where we would rather vote for an outright racist than a woman. Forget that people hate Hillary. The large majority of voters are uninformed and don’t really know what horrors HRC has committed around the globe. Women and men alike didn’t vote for her because she’s a woman. This is plain and simple.

So let’s forget that it was Hillary. No woman stood a chance against any man… In 2016. When HRC couldn’t win against a relatively unknown Black man in 2008, we should have known that the glass ceiling would not be broken just 8 short years later.

No matter how far we think we’ve come we need to understand that most gains are superficial. Most chauvinism is unspoken. This is a patriarchal society. Pink hats won’t change things.

I may sound pessimistic. But I am a Black woman, born in the 70’s. The Civil Rights Movement ended just a few short years before my birth. Yet, just over a decade after I was born, teachers, in the NYC public school system were teaching kids that the Civil Rights Movement was “ancient history.” That wasn’t even remotely true.

I’ve been lucky enough to escape all manner of police brutality. But I can’t escape the reality that most Black men that I know have been harassed by police. Regardless of their station in life. So forgive me if I understand that many of the gains during the Civil Rights Movement were largely superficial.

So when I look at the #MeToo movement, I literally shake my head. I kept waiting for executives of these big corporations to be outed, Followed by the smaller management and associates of literally every company, run by men. This isn’t happening. No matter how much we want to deny the existence of class in this country, it exists. The working woman can’t afford to fight harassment in her office the way established Hollywood women can. “Sexual harassment will not be taken lightly”… IF proven. The road to proving sexual harassment in the workplace is long and arduous. I won’t even tackle rape and sexual assault.

These “women’s issues” are societal issues and they are all interconnected. Rapper Cardi B is expected to take time off from her busy schedule and booming career even though she’s engaged to Offset and he is in the same position as Cardi. I don’t think so. Paternity leave is a thing.

Think back to your first reaction to hearing of Cardi’s pregnancy. Did you support her or were you perplexed? Think about it.

How Far Have We Really Come? An excellent poem “In the Desert Still?” — by R.R. Wolfgang. And an epic condemnation of our “great” society.

We live each day Still devoted to our ideology that we are free that we live in the Land of Justice, of Liberty, that we are better, stronger, and informed by our History. But we are mistaken, we are wrong in our belief, for we are not better not stronger not wiser for our “History” […]

via In the Desert Still? — R.R. Wolfgang

You Say You Want a Revolution 😒

I’m realizing more and more that people use the word “revolution” without having any idea what it means. They want more of the same but with their favorites in power. They don’t mind if things don’t change as long as their favorite’s rhetoric says they will.  They are always saying change takes time. But it’s those who are the most comfortable parroting that line. With the technology we have, things could change “overnight” with few hiccups. We have to do better at imagining life without Capitalism’s pitfalls and limitations.

Also, it’s not the revolutionaries who determine if there will be a civil war, is those in power who make things bloody by refusing to relinquish power and trying to kill all if those who oppose them. Revolutionaries fight back. The war against us has been waged✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽

Call Out Culture is Necessary

People are afraid to be wrong and they afraid to be called out. I was reading a blog and the writer said that we (on the left) have to learn “when to be soft and when to be hard.” Seriously? Nobody GAF about your sensitive ego. People speak plainly without niceties because they don’t have the time to baby us. There’s a difference between being direct and being rude. Rude comrades are not comrades. But we can’t be so fragile in our “all knowing egos” that being called out offends us or hurts our feelings. 

Everything isn’t about or for everybody and everybody isn’t welcome in every discussion. Sometimes it’s not about you. Sometimes you just have to listen. In my experience, when I’m called out, I deserve it. And if I don’t, I talk it out. But we can’t just say anything to anybody because we’re 50 million “others…” Meaning we belong to several marginalized groups so we get to say whatever to whoever.  It doesn’t work that way. Yes familiarity is important. But we can’t know everything by virtue of our identities alone. We really have to get off our high horse.

The left can be self righteous as a group. Call people on it. Call… Them… Out.  It’s almost like people don’t want to be on the receiving end of a call out. We all get served. As we should. We all have something to learn and we all overstep our boundaries; no matter how unintentional it may be. Call out culture? I’m here for it. Silence is acquiesce.

I’m So Tired

My heart hurts for #EricaGarner. She was killed by the state just like Kalief Browder’s mother. These beasts murder our babies, our women and our men without repercussions. They are trying to kill our spirits.

I will not give up. I will not stop demanding that they stop killing us. I will not…(I could not go on. This post was started on December 30, 2017.)

It’s too much. I’m tired. I really can’t understand why we must live this way.

Society does just enough to prevent a revolution. But I think their time is running out. I believe the U.S. government has taken for granted that we, citizens, haven’t risen up in more than 50 years. Occupy Wall Street was something…. But not enough.  We need a revolution.  Nothing short of it will discontinue this constant injustice, torture of a people… Of all people.

The Holidays Are Upon Us

To all of everyone out there struggling….. keep your head up. Times get rough and they get better. The holiday season is horribly stressful. Remember that it’s about family. But remember to surround yourself with people who are good for you emotionally.

There’s never really a good time to be around toxic people. But specifically on the holidays, you should be mindful of your interaction with those that cause you stress… Undue stress. Take care of each other. Love one another. Be safe. But remember that this season is about love not about money. 

Most people have the day off tomorrow. Take that time and do something loving. It’s very rare that almost the whole country shuts down. Whether you are religious or not, a day off is a day off. And a day off with people you love is even better.

If you’re posting suicide hotline numbers because holidays are the most stressful & depressing times, please also call your friends & family who, for any circumstance, may be alone today,tomorrow or the next day. And those who are with horrible family members. Reach out. Love them. #peace #Blessings #Love #Family