Month: April 2018

A Woman’s Body Functions Outside Of Sexuality

by ADRIAN MARIE JONES (AJay), posted in Uncategorized

Body shaming is about more than looks. It’s about perceived sexuality. What’s so horrible about an exposed stomach? Legs, arms, or thighs? This is a patriarchal society. That’s why many women sound like sexists when they speak about sexuality and other women’s bodies. Just like many POC think they form their own opinions about their communities when it’s clear that they are parroting their settler’s point of view.

Women’s bodies actually function outside of sexuality and men. Imagine that…

A woman’s body is functional. Men make it sexual. That’s their problem. Not ours. Women usually have one sex organ that can’t be seen in the most revealing of clothing. Our bodies are not for men’s sexual gratification and admiration. Women’s bodies actually function outside of sexuality and men. Imagine that…

If your body is a sex organ, as a woman, that’s your choice. Mine is not one big sex organ to be hidden behind huge swaths of cloth. My legs walk. My arms reach. My breasts fed my daughter. My butt sits. My knees bend. My skin protects …No shame.

Please don’t raise your children to think that women’s bodies are sexual.

A woman’s body is theirs to do what they want. That’s for every woman. And if that’s to keep eyes away, if that makes YOU feel comfortable, do that. But other women aren’t uncomfortable displaying their bodies. It’s not for you to judge what other women do because you don’t agree with it. Should we all be clones?

Please don’t raise your children to think that women’s bodies are sexual. No matter their gender. A woman’s body is beautiful. Sometimes it’s even a vessel of life. But it’s not a sex toy or magazine to be purchased and become property of men. We should celebrate our individual bodies, daily. They are our own and belong to only us. Every one is unique. That’s amazing.

Daddy, What’s A Rapist?: Conversations Between A Father and Daughter

by ADRIAN MARIE JONES (AJay), posted in Uncategorized

WARNING TEXT MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SURVIVORS OF RAPE OR SEXUAL ASSAULT

Scene: A Father and his daughter are watching the news and the Cosby guilty verdict scrolls across the screen. “This is bull!” the father exclaims. “Cosby didn’t rape those women!” Startled, the little girl looks at her father and the following ensues… Maybe…

Baby girl: Daddy, what’s a rapist?

Daddy: a rapist is someone who forces you to have sex with them and is only considered a rapist if you tell the world your horrific, degrading, humiliating experience immediately. If you wait, any amount of time, you’re a liar. No one will believe you. Not even me, baby girl.

Baby girl: Daddy, what’s a rapist?

Daddy: a rapist is someone who forces you to have sex with them. If you take drugs and you’re incoherent and can’t consent, you deserve to be raped and you’re the one at fault, baby girl.

Baby girl: Daddy, what’s a rapist?

Daddy: a rapist is someone who forces you to have sex with them. But as long as white men are getting away with rape, Black men should get away with it too. I can’t support their punishment, baby girl.

Baby girl: Daddy, what’s a rapist?

Daddy: a rapist is someone who forces you to have sex with them because of what you wear and how you behave. If you dress decently and act respectably, no man will ever rape you. If you’re raped, it’s your fault, baby girl.

Our girls need their fathers and their support. They don’t need to hear you excusing these rapes or sexual assaults. They need to feel safe to confide in you.

And yes, I’m aware that women say these things. But most likely a woman’s attacker will look more like her father than her mother. Make her feel safe.

The aftermath of the Cosby guilty verdict has made this conversation necessary. It’s hurtful to see responses that invalidate survivors who don’t immediately come forward, who accept drugs from, unbeknownst to them, their future predator and those who trust and respect a figurehead so much that they feel safe. These survivors exist outside of the Cosby case and you should all be mindful of your public reactions. People can see them. Leave your opinions about his guilt or innocence in the kitchen. It’s kitchen talk that’s not meant for public consumption. It’s hurtful.

Problematic Views: Should We Be Outspoken and Patient Or Should We Write Off People Who Don’t Think Like Us

by ADRIAN MARIE JONES (AJay), posted in Uncategorized

There’s been a lot of writing lately about “call out culture.” To me, anyone against being called out, thinks they know everything. Anyone who is afraid to speak because they far behind called out is concerned with how people view then instead of being concerned with their trash views and why they have them.

With young people, I like to guide them. With older people, I’m more hesitant. I really feel like they should know better. But a year or so ago, I decide I would be more gentle to anyone who wasn’t an overt bigot. And I’m proud. I initially focused on being kinder to Black women and I branched out from there.

Sometimes we can’t be gentle. Some people need to be stopped in their tracks. But sometimes, sometimes there’s room for kindness and guidance. It’s no one’s job to teach anyone about anything. But if you want to see the world change, you have to speak to someone…at least one person who doesn’t think like you.

It’s 2018 But We’re Not Living in the Modern World

by ADRIAN MARIE JONES (AJay), posted in Uncategorized

Rap sensation Cardi B is pregnant and Americans, in 2018, are asking why she would throw away her career by getting pregnant/having a baby… Check Twitter… Check Google… Check yourselves.

What is going on people? What’s really sad is that we, as a society at large, still view this as the norm. Women should choose career or family. Not both. No one is asking Offset, rapper and father of Cardi B’s soon to be born child, how his career is going to be derailed by this baby. Nor did they ask this with his existing three children.

We live in a country where we would rather vote for an outright racist than a woman. Forget that people hate Hillary. The large majority of voters are uninformed and don’t really know what horrors HRC has committed around the globe. Women and men alike didn’t vote for her because she’s a woman. This is plain and simple.

So let’s forget that it was Hillary. No woman stood a chance against any man… In 2016. When HRC couldn’t win against a relatively unknown Black man in 2008, we should have known that the glass ceiling would not be broken just 8 short years later.

No matter how far we think we’ve come we need to understand that most gains are superficial. Most chauvinism is unspoken. This is a patriarchal society. Pink hats won’t change things.

I may sound pessimistic. But I am a Black woman, born in the 70’s. The Civil Rights Movement ended just a few short years before my birth. Yet, just over a decade after I was born, teachers, in the NYC public school system were teaching kids that the Civil Rights Movement was “ancient history.” That wasn’t even remotely true.

I’ve been lucky enough to escape all manner of police brutality. But I can’t escape the reality that most Black men that I know have been harassed by police. Regardless of their station in life. So forgive me if I understand that many of the gains during the Civil Rights Movement were largely superficial.

So when I look at the #MeToo movement, I literally shake my head. I kept waiting for executives of these big corporations to be outed, Followed by the smaller management and associates of literally every company, run by men. This isn’t happening. No matter how much we want to deny the existence of class in this country, it exists. The working woman can’t afford to fight harassment in her office the way established Hollywood women can. “Sexual harassment will not be taken lightly”… IF proven. The road to proving sexual harassment in the workplace is long and arduous. I won’t even tackle rape and sexual assault.

These “women’s issues” are societal issues and they are all interconnected. Rapper Cardi B is expected to take time off from her busy schedule and booming career even though she’s engaged to Offset and he is in the same position as Cardi. I don’t think so. Paternity leave is a thing.

Think back to your first reaction to hearing of Cardi’s pregnancy. Did you support her or were you perplexed? Think about it.